


Reflections

by Kuramiyu



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ariana and Aberforth see colours, Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore, M/M, Unreliable Narrator, i enjoy making it more dramatic than it needs to be, it's all about symbolism, it's more of a pscyhological portrait than anything else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-06-06 00:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15182585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuramiyu/pseuds/Kuramiyu
Summary: To really get to know someone is to become familiar with all the parts of their personality, with all the habits, impulses and deepest thoughts. Albus is fluid and easily influenced, his image becoming distorted by others. When Albus is met with the bright light of Gellert, he shines back just as strongly. When Albus faces Aberforth's defiance, he easily reflects it right back at him. On the other hand, when young Slytherin boy approaches him in his cabinet, Albus tends to shut down. Reflections do not tell the whole story as they are confined by one's mind. We might only hope to find the grains of truth and navigate them to fit somewhere in the grey area between how the world perceived Albus throughout the years and how Albus sees himself. In the end, there is really no way to tell who knew real Albus Dumbledore. Or is there?





	1. Who knows the real Albus Dumbledore?

**Author's Note:**

> This is the theoretical introduction of what the story will focus on. I enjoy the conflicting views of characters on Albus and how he played different parts in their lives. All characters belong to J.K. Rowling and her story "Harry Potter". Enjoy.

     Albus Dumbledore was one of the brightest minds of his generation. His passion and craving for knowledge were almost matching in abundance. His achievements were praised all over the world and his name travelled from lips to lips until a legend of Albus Dumbledore was created. One in which he was a powerful, distant being that dressed in human flesh to walk freely among humans. He could carry mountains without uttering a single spell and he could charm a woman without ever being in her presence. People that had at least a quick conversation with Albus would exaggeratedly roll their eyes. They had no doubt about a touch of distance in his aura, but the pleasant smile and crooked eyes gave the impression of eternal kindness that only elder people could credibly pull off. The dissonance between those two contrasting impressions is most visible in Albus' eyes. They were piercing and soothing at the same time, sharp, yet, distant, flickering between blankness and shadows. They seemed kind, but somewhere below the surface of conscious emotions, they told a story of anything but kindness.

     However, this is only one part of the story. One of many opinions that people have, people who do not understand - those who pass him on the street or have heard about him in stories that merely overlap with the truth. They call him names and try to define by imposing superficial frames. _Golden boy, brilliant mind, a prodigy_. And maybe, just maybe his whole persona did not fit in any frames. Maybe his very being overlapped any human boundaries proving once again that Albus Dumbledore was above mere human beings. Aberforth would snort if he heard it. He would dismiss the idea and complain about this selfish, arrogant _pri-_. Maybe Aberforth went the wrong way to try and define his brother, but he did have a point. Maybe all the views we hold create a person. Maybe we all see a different person and the truth cannot even be reached. Maybe even those closest to us do not always see us for who we are.

     Who knew the real Albus Dumbledore? The question can be directed at individuals, at those who knew him, who created a version of him that they accepted as the real one. Are we simply reflections in the mirrors of other people's souls? Maybe, but maybe there is so much more. Maybe different reflections of Albus all hold a grain of truth.


	2. Elphias Doge. His fascinaion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elphias is a dear friend of Albus Dumbledore. He is his companion, safety and balance. Elphias slowly but surely starts to get closer to him. They discuss, play and wander, enjoying their youth. However, he soon realizes that Albus' intelligence is not ordinary and that he is destined to achieve great things. It happens at the worst time possible, right before Albus grows up too quickly. Elphias is there to watch him grow, but because of his fascination and hidden feelings he holds onto the connection he formed with 11-year-old Albus. He is not the challenger that Albus needs and this only fuels the other's burning longing for an equal.

    Whenever Albus smiles at him in their 7th year, he can notice certain signs that the boy in front of him is evolving, changing the form and substance of this 11-year-old who stepped onto the train to Hogwarts with eyes much older than those of his peers. His edges have slightly sharpened since then, molding to accommodate all this potential, to give Albus the shape he will wear for many, many years. Right now his body and mind cannot contain it and all the substance is leaking. His eyes are shining, allowing pride to seep through as they discuss alchemy and the role of humanity in transfiguration experiments. I mean, Albus is talking and Elphias is listening, adding his few pence. He does it for Albus more than for himself as in 4th year he realized he could listen to him for hours and not mind a bit (although transfiguration would hardly be his chosen subject). He provides his insight because Albus needs stimulation and feedback and _connection_. Awe and friendship Elphias provides are close, but not nearly enough. He can feel the potential spilling, all the intelligence and ideas going through his mind. He is glad to be overwhelmed like that, in a way. Because if he looks at Albus close enough and looks for signs that many years of friendship trained him to look for, he thinks he also sees Albus he has not met before. The timid facade breaks and a cunning expression breaks out. Kind eyes darken and sharpen in a way that reminds Elphias of this Slytherin teacher who gave him detention last year (but who could blame him for losing control of his magic for just a second when his mother’s howler became too much?). Albus usually changes when they discuss new spells or debate topics from Forbidden Books. Lately, it happens when the topic is more familiar for Elphias, their future journey. It seems like Albus cannot contain himself. Everything he can be, everything he can achieve is bubbling under surface and is ready to burst when given the opportunity. Elphias cannot imagine it ever being contained.

   That is the main reason why he rapidly asks 'what do you think about Christmas party? Are you inviting anyone?'. He avoids the pang of pain in his chest at the question, but he deems it necessary. He wants to keep the kind, sweet boy from his memory alive for a little more. Before they leave Hogwarts, before Albus finds his destiny and before he becomes the most famous wizard in the world. Before he forgets about him. Because he knows that the friendship is not enough, that there are plans that Albus would choose over him. That is why he wants to keep this moment. This desire blinds him for a second so he does not see how Albus' eyes flicker for a second to give the saddened glint as well. He does not notice, because he does not want to. He wants to think he is enough, he wants to believe that Albus will choose him, he wants to keep the image of the 11-year-old and does not think about the great future that surely awaits them.

   Albus smiles and allows himself to slow down to the pace of his peers, of his friend and quickly suppresses the faintest of whines that tries to escape from his very core. In the end, he never was what Elphias took him for, but Elphias never saw that.


	3. Kendra Dumbledore. Her worries.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a period of time before the Ariana Accident when Dumbledore family was just like any other. Kendra is a mother of three absorbing children and a wife of a loving husband. She already notices what personalities her children have and she worries about their future. She fears for Ariana's innocence, Aberforth's stubborness and Albus' detachment. Fortunetely, she has her husband on whom she can lean on. The scene in the chapter happens before the Ariana Accident. If Dumbledore family remained like that, would Kendra be able to guide her children to fix their flaws? There is only a bitterness at what-could-have-been.

   The sun is shining in the Godric's Valley. It makes the world sing alive with magic. Kendra is a mother of three and a wife of the love of her life. Maybe that is why the spring never seemed more beautiful, never seemed as full of life. She prepared snacks and they all head down the road to the lake. It is situated close to the forest and quite far away from the main road, so there is a small chance anyone will catch them doing things that most would not understand. She worries for a second anyway, because she is a mother of three and worrying is in her nature, but the gentle touch on her arm drives bad thoughts away. She smiles at her husband and together they proceed to prepare everything for when children leave the cool water and join them for picnic. Everything is finished sooner than expected. She feels a fleeting feeling of gratitude towards her husband and as a reward leans on to him. The moment is warm and comfortable. But she is a mother of three so she looks at her children and starts contemplating. Ariana was 5-year-old and looked like the sweet girl of that age should, with a wide smile that emphasized her missing teeth and eyes that shone with tears when her brother tickled her. What was unusual was her long hair that made her ethereal in a way, like she belonged to the other side, not this Earthly world. She was creating small bubbles filled with water that flew around her brothers. Her magic was truly beautiful and made the girl shine. Kendra could not wait to see what kind of beautiful woman she would become, but at the same time she wanted her baby to remain like that forever - delicate, fragile, without contact with the cruel world. She would not worry too much about this. She looks at her youngest son - Aberforth. He splashes Ariana, but is careful not to splash too much, too quickly. Always careful, caring. He is her pride, as domestic as his papa and as protective as his goat friends. Fire in his eyes makes her prouder, she wants to see him grow up to become the fierce protector with a group of people he could love and who would adore him for that sensitivity. However, sometimes the stubbornness worries her. He can go days without talking to papa if he does not allow him to feed goats during spring time. He furrows his brows and cannot let go of this ugly feeling deep within. Aberforth would often cling to his mom and cry at night, for still being furious, for all the frustrations that keep him hostage. Always so angry, always so burning. He has a soft spot for his sister, adoring her and finding connection between two sensitive souls. Aberforth appreciated family, their small house and Godric's Valley. It was a nice picture - two childish faces and laughter that warmed the very core and melted bones till one becomes a soft sponge of happiness. Their simplicity and light was contrasted with her oldest son. Albus was 10-year-old and a sweet, polite boy. He is currently sitting at the shore with his feet barely touching the surface of the lake. His face is carefully blank and he looks at the sky. He looks like he will disappear any time soon. What she hates is that he looks like he will feel better somewhere else, more in his element, more connected to someone who will make him feel like he belongs. She realizes he will never find it here. She hates when he gets like that. She hates that it feels like he does not belong to this family, to this picture of laughter and happiness. She refused to see him only for his talent and intelligence that still sometimes scares her. When your son performs spells that you cannot comprehend, when he looks at you for guidance and you have nothing to offer, his eyes are so saddened, it makes you want to curl up and cry and maybe whine to your husband about your competences as a mother. However, it took time and his sweet, normal siblings to realize there is nothing wrong with her. Albus' soul is meant to be painfully contained in the cage of solitude and isolation. He will not find real connection here, not the one he seeks or wants. But she is hell-bent on giving him the connection his tiny form and young mind _needs_. Family.

   She is on her feet before she can react. She nears the lake carefully. Aberforth is trying to coax Albus to join them in his own special way when he does not want his brother to actually know he wants him to join them. It is his way of dealing with Albus, seeking _connection_. His shyness is endearing, but Albus is ready not to react, like usual. She pushes him out gently, making sure her boy has time to hold his breath. When he resurfaces, she is already joining them. There is disbelief and uneasiness, but there is also Albus splashing Aberforth so hard both boys almost shake with laughter. In this moment they look like family, like they are meant to look.

   She wants Albus to have a normal childhood. She wants him to fool around with Aberforth, take care of and be taken care of by Ariana. She wants them to remain sweet and innocent. There will be competitiveness, jealousy and frustration, but she prays her children will always have each other's back. Albus is special and there is probably a greater plan out there, but she refuses to give her son up even if God himself comes down and requests his presence ( _she does not know that it will be the Devil in the body of God with blond locks and blue eyes that will take her boy away, unleashing the darkness and ugliness that her love contained_ ). She has this moment and she refuses to not enjoy the happy feeling. She would give up her life, if only they could stay that happy forever.


	4. Ariana Dumbledore. Her magic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariana experiences the world in a specific way - through colours, muted whispers and gentle touches. Her magic allows her to understand people, events and emotions deeply and thoroughly, however, as a child she does not know how to interpret it. This does not stop her from warning Albus about the danger that the new boy in Godric's Valley carries around like an armour. But Albus is already enchanted and disconnected from his mundane life. He seeks connection and Ariana must bear the onslaught of colours that no one understands in the meantime.

     Ariana has not heard voices in weeks.

     There was the quietness in the house that made her look nervously around. She tried to remember all the stories Albus read to her in the past week. The princess and the dragon, transfiguration theory in Greek culture, the theory of lights. She did not really focus too much on the plot, but on the warmth and redness of Albus' voice. Albus' colours were really strong and when he was sad they had this quality about them that chilled her to the bones. However, it was nothing compared to those times when boredom and longing consumed him. It was choking as it filled Ariana with a liquid purplish colour.

     Ariana's magic was not controlled. It was always there, alive. It sometimes spoke to her in colours and sensations, ever-present sensatory device. Aberforth's colours, while strong, were not overwhelming. He had the ability to always send pleasant sensations and connect to her magic. Even though she could not control it, she felt its happiness. Albus, on the other hand, flooded the house with himself. None of their family knew how much substance was bottled inside. She sometimes looked at him in fear and wondered whether one day he would drown her. At least that is what she thought until recently.

    Her brother has taken on new responsibilities and they spent more time together. His magic, as powerful and talented as always, became more in tune with her own. It made her happy and allowed her to calm down. She sought his love and warmth, time spent together brought peace of mind and although he sometimes forgot to check up on her, sometimes purposefully avoided her, it was nothing compared to the intense love and feeling of safety he could drown his family in. She could not wait to inform Aberforth of this less-distant, protective Albus. Maybe then Aberforth would stop speaking in this brown language that tended to emit smoke and covered his eyes until he calmed down.

     Despite these changes, the quietness still disturbed her. There was a soft darkness that surrounded Godric’s Valley. She barely noticed it a few days ago. Similar to the atmosphere when her mom disappeared. However, Albus was calm and his warm magic kept her safe from harm. It was too good to be true, but maybe Albus finally forgave her for mommy's death. She beamed and grabbed her colourful drawing. She wanted to see Albus.

     Suddenly, there was a knock. She closed her mouth and stood still, preparing for the assault of new colours. She recognized soft redness of Bathilda, but there was something else. Onslaughter of dark colours that were so forceful, they almost overwhelmed her. She wanted to go downstairs and yell for Albus to run away. When she felt Albus' colours disappear, she froze. Panic gripped her throat. The room started shaking and then... she saw it. Dark colours mixing with brighter ones, twisting, pressing, pushing. _Connecting_. She knew only mommy and daddy whose colours were close to each other, matching, but never mixing, never being so desperate to be so close.

     _Unnatural_.

     When Albus found her, she was shaking. Magic was dancing around her and made her blue eyes fill with fear. This new assauslt of colours. It was so powerful, so dark and it was feeding on Albus' light; a _predator_. She clung to Albus and cried and pleaded for him to stay away from this new phenomenon. That there was darkness in this new boy, that there was danger and death surrounding him. When she looked up, Albus was smiling a distracted smile. His eyes were not sweet and caring, but distant. Like they used to be. He was not here anymore, she realised. All the hard work that was put into making Albus _connect_ to Godric's Valley, to this family. Could it be... the _connection_ was lost? It is like it was never there in the first place. Or more like, it was replaced by something else. Albus' colours would actively seek this suffocating power? Understanding flashed in her eyes. ' _Oh. Right_ ' The darkness in Albus' colours was not entirely new, not entirely triggerred by the new boy. It was always there, hidden and contained.

     Ariana knows one thing when his touch burns her as his colours, marked by darkness, flash violently. The voices are back.


	5. Aberford Dumbledore. His regret.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aberford is the storm of emotions. He reflects and allows himself to be consumed by regret. For not protecting his sister from the world. For failing to rescue his brother from sweet promises and talented tongue. However, regret does nothing to dull the pain of loss and does not help to forgive. Aberford considers himself a fallen hero who couldn't protect his family despite countless promises. He wants to forgive Albus, but he knows he never will. In order to gain his forgiveness, Albus would have to abandon Grindelwald and this is something Aberford knows he will never do. Therefore, Aberford drinks in isolation, full of regret and yearning to forgive.

     Aberforth and Albus were brothers; connected by blood, differentiated by their clashing natures. Aberford's emotions bounced off of Albus' calm demeanour. Albus' words did not pass the barrier of assertiveness of his brother. There were disparities, differences, yet, they worked together as Aberford thought deep down that there was something fundamental that they were based on. Something that was so purely included in ' _Dumbledore_ ' bloodline that could not be eradicated by environment, personalities or moods. Something that reminded them of love when times became dark and the light was surrounded by clouds that never wanted to let it go. Aberford honestly thought so when they grew up.

     This idea crumbled right before his eyes.

     He is sitting at his bar with the glass of wine that makes him feel sick and dizzy at the same time. His mother loved this wine and let him have a taste when he was younger. It does not soothe the ache in his chest, nor does make his memory any less sharper. He is not sure whether he wants it to. The portrait hidden behind wooden doors rests heavily on his mind. He tries not to think about it too much. He feels the darkness surrounding him and trying to hold onto him, trying to gather strength from his light. He refuses firmly. He wonders whether Albus already met with Grinderwald. The atrocities were going on for too long and there was pressure on Albus to act. The young prodigy grabbed a drink before he left. Whether to give himself courage to face his old friend or to gather enough strength to leave him afterwards, Aberford did not know and he did not care. There was obvious dissonance in his brother's eyes when they met. They did not talk and Aberford offered no consolation. He watched him leave and take all the brightness with him.

     Before Ariana died, he could not see the colours, but now he did and it disgusted him. Specifically, Albus' colours filled him with uneasiness and distrust. They were strong, bright and intense. Foremost, mixed with Grindelwald's. Even now. Even after so many years. It pissed him off that his brother could not stay two months in the Godric's Valley but could wait 30 years for the murderer, psychopath and Dark Lord.

     Aberford took a gulp trying to numb himself to the surrounding feeling of despair. Probably whole England was covered by Albus' light. However, it was not even slightly similar to the light produced when he saw Albus and Grindelwald together. He remembers the scence clearly (wishing he didn't). They were sitting close, foreheads almost pressed to each other while reading some small notebook. They were whispering and Aberford quickly forgot what they had talked about (' _Muggle domination_ ' did not interest him), however, he would never forget the sight. Albus' face was softer, having certain lightness about it. His eyes were bright, so wide and trusting. Aberford never saw those eyes. This did not cause the fury. No. He could never hate his brother for falling in love. What filled him with disgust was not that they were two men, that they thought of themselves as superior, but that Grindelwald's eyes were cold, calculating and mischievous. Softer than usual, but not filled with love, never showing devotion that mirrored Albus'. This filled him with disgust, that his brother who was supposed to be so brilliant, was so easily deceived, that he chose him over his family, but the most infuriating part was that he was being used and sooner or later his heart will end up in pieces and no one will have that sort of connection with him again, no one will repair him. He will remain broken, destroyed, abused by skillful tongue and sweet promises.

     And everything right under Aberford's nose.

     He focused so much on his sister, he forgot about his brother. He thought he needed no protection, but he turned out just as vulnerable as Ariana because of his desperate need to drown in compassion, morals and twisted sense of ethics. Being isolated from others made him become a victim. It happened one time and one was enough to shatter something deep inside him.

     And Aberford did nothing to stop it.

     For him, Albus Dumbledore was a fool who could not keep his priorities straight. But fools in love can be forgiven, failed heroes should not be.

     He almost regrets telling him to kill Grindelwald if he wants to ever gain his forgiveness, before he left. Almost. Because he knows Albus made his choice many years ago and it has not changed since then.

     There was a piercing flash of white colour and then there was silence. It seemed like the duel was finally over.


End file.
